A Gay Teen Blog

God, Emotional Support, Holidays

2009-11-20T22:16:00.002+11:00

woo!! i'm back.

So I just came back from youth group, and I've been really not into the whole "god" thing for a while now. It just all seems so unreasonable and cultish... it's all like "convert your friends", "come to youth group", "go to thailand and be a missionary" and shit like that. What more is my best friend is a christian, he think's i'm christian and is going to be utterly disappointed when he finds out i've turned my back to all this shit...

ABRUPT TOPIC CHANGE!!!!

so this "friend" person thing i have is talking to me on msn at the moment, about how his family's company was closed down, and they're in massive debt, and their parents are getting divorced, etc. and while I agree whole heartedly that his position sucks, and it's a massively confronting and serious one, it's just annoying when I have to play counsellor all the time.. because i'm just expected to be good at that type of thing, and then it's SOOO awkward for me, trying to come up with something not to insensitive to say... =S

iABRUPT TOPIC CHANGE v2.0

the school holidays are coming up and i'm planning on trying an uberman sleep pattern. you can google it. i won't put much detail here, but i'll post soon about it =)

Go-To Guy

2009-11-05T22:24:00.002+11:00

Good evening everyone (which in this case refers to no-one)

I just got a call from one of my friends asking for help in the music assignment we have. I got a text a few hours before from a different guy... And I just realised I really hate being the go-to guy... it's all like.., "daniel, what uniform do i wear tomorrow", "daniel, when is our science assignment due", "daniel, i don't understand question 3", "daniel, can you help me study for math", "daniel, do we have band tomorrow", "daniel, i'm having problems with my saxophone".

RAHRHARH

fuck you all.. leave me alone please... much appreciated..

well after that little anecdote, i'm off to wait for another call..

ciao

Coming Out

2009-11-04T21:44:00.002+11:00

Woo... A blog post.. hurrah... yeah... etc.

So I came out to a guy yesterday. 2nd person, first guy... And I still don't feel any sense of achievement. *sigh*

I spoke to both of them about coming out to all my friends at school and stuff.. Both of them said i should wait, *grumble* not because I'm not ready, but because everyone else isn't ready.. Which i suppose i kinda agree with. everyone at my school is really immature about homosexuality and such things... still sucks to be lying to everyone though... hmmm...

It was my birthday 2 weeks ago... YAY!!! I got all this money and shit... good stuff =) going shopping with the girl I came out to (who will henceforth be known as Julia) soon.. should be fun...

I had this party, and it was mainly guys, but half of them went swimming, and they're the kinda guys who won't put a shirt back on, once they've taken them off. So after everyone had finished swimming I had a group of half naked guys playing tackle footy in my backyard.. *don't stare, don't stare... look at their faces.. let go of them as soon as you've tackled them...* stupid hormonal mind....

anyways, i'm off to bed.. hurrah!!!

band tomorrow morning. not cool... -.-

no opportunities...

2009-10-23T21:45:00.003+11:00

i didn't manage to come out to that guy i was planning to... unfortunately no opportunity arose... ughhh.. he's in a different grade, so it's really hard to get him away from his friends and what not.. eghh.

i've been really worried lately.. i'm really freaking out about what people are gunna think of me if i come out to them.. i've been thinking about it way to much, and been getting really angry about it.. i surprise myself sometimes like with sudden urges to hit/throw things, and i end up swearing for a long period of time to no-one in particular... it sucks.. ='( i think i wanna come out to everyone, but i don't know how, and i'm way to scared to... ehh, i dunno. maybe i'm overthinking all of this.. hmm...

well i'm off to play counsellor yet again... -_- stupid girl.. doesn't it seem painfully obvious to anyone else that you should NOT be having sex at the age of 15, despite what you boyfriend wants and what you're hormones are telling you... i hate putting on a fucking happy face, so people can sit there and tell me all there stupid little problems..

Pushing Daisies

2009-10-20T21:44:00.003+11:00

Ok, so my a friend of mine introduced me to this series called pushing daisies right?? AMAZING!!! it's an awesome tv show!!! It stars Lee Pace, Anna Friel and Kristen Chenoweth. Unfortunately it was cancelled in 2007 after only 2 seasons but i'm downloading them *shh*.

*no spoilers, i promise, all this is in the first 20 minutes of the first episode*

So it's pretty much the story of this guy, and when he touches dead things they come back to life right?? however there are rules.. when he touches a dead thing, if he keeps it alive for longer that 60 seconds, something else of equal importance has to die in it's place.. also if he ever touches that thing again, it dies, no bringing it back this time. So the guy has this childhood sweetheart, who he never saw again after he left town. he finds out that she has dies on a cruise, so he goes and brings her back to life, but keeps her alive after the minute. after that, they start living together and fall in love and what not, but they can't ever touch!!! OMG!! it's absolutely amazing!! i would reccommend that every goes and downloads it!! RIGHT NOW!! =P

well i'm off, planning on coming out to a guy tomorrow. this'll be the first one!! wish me luck

And so returns the mega-bitch, the psychopath, and the mini-bitch...

2009-10-14T18:38:00.003+11:00

My mum, brother and sister are back from holidays and thus resumes the dis-functional reality that is my family life... -.-

I play the clarinet as you probably don't know, but i was invited to go play in this youth band thing. anyways i'll be meeting tonnes of new people and what not, and i was thinking i might just come clean with them from the start, and have this one place where everybody knows... maybe... i would ask what you guys think, but no-one reads this blog, and it's pretty much a pointless thing that i do... =S yay for talking to yourself.

ciao, i'll be back soon

Job Hunt / 500 Day's of Summer

2009-10-12T00:26:00.002+11:00

And so begins the search for a job... *sigh* unfortunately the need for money outways my desire to stay at home and sit on my ass.. =D

I asked a few places today, they're hiring for christmas, so i made a resume and i'm ready to go!!! i'm actually quite excited. Should be fun meeting new people and learning new thing. ehh...

So if you haven't figured out yet (which you probably haven't =P) i was at the shops today. There with a friend watching a movie. We saw "500 day's of summer". Which was a pretty decent movie. It just got me thinking though. There was this one scene where the two protagonists, who were "going out" at the time were driving in a car, and they were just so happy, and they were joking and laughing and you could tell that they were really in love. SO JEALOUS. I was just so envious of how easy straight people have it you know? It's normal for a guy to ask a girl out, and it's normal for straight couples to be seen in public and what not. For a guy to ask another guy out, is considered weird and shit like that. Like a straight guy could ask a girl out, or whatever people do these days, and even if he was turned down, he's still be ok, and still have his dignity or whatever. But if a guy ask another guy out (or whatever they do these days) and they're turned down, it's like they've just made this massive mistake, or misjudgment or something....

i dunno.. i'm young and i don't see much of this but it just got me thinking. and this is what this place is for i suppose..

ehhh

Well i'm going to bed. Going for jobs tomorrow =D

wish me luck

I'm Back

2009-10-09T23:56:00.002+11:00

I will admit, i gave up on this for a long time. I thought, why the hell would anyone want to know what is going on in my head.. it a shit scary place. and true, no-one reads this, but maybe someday someone will stumble across it and read what's here, so for now I will try and make an effort to post more.

So what's been happening while I was away...

Saw avenue Q. =D it was hilarious!!! might be seeing again soon.

Saw WICKED. Absolutely incredible!! i was totally wowed by this. It makes you laugh, cry, think and it was amazing!!! i would recommend it to everyone. makes you think of the wizard of oz in a whole new light, no spoilers though =D

not much else really. My cousins are here at the moment, leaving on sunday. we been ice-skating, laser tag and what not. all very un-eventful.

the massive thing though, was I came out to one of my good friends. She was not the person i had intended to tell first, but it kinda just happened, and i'm really glad i told her.

It's not as big a thing as i thought it would be. I had hoped it would be a massive load off my chest, but i'm still going though my day exactly the same, unfortunately. I'm glad i could tell someone though. it's awesome to have someone you can trust. THANKYOU!!!

random thought: it's so weird blogging.. like having a conversation with yourself or something.. very strange.. =S lol

hopefully i'll get better at it soon

G'night

angst

2009-08-03T22:06:00.000+10:00

Isn't teenage angst lovely!!! *end sarcasm*

So far I've got text messages from two of my friend, explaining to me how depressing their life is. It's quite cumbersome having to pretend like yours is better and listen to their problems and shit like that.

I really wanna talk to someone who knows me personally about this. I don't think my school friends are the beat people for it though. I've considered by cousin, and possibly my godparents. Unfortunately my godparent live in coffsharbor which is a 6 hour drive away...

Well I'm off to play counsellor...

Gn

Boys Under Attack

2009-08-02T21:52:00.000+10:00

Whoah!!!!! Look at this website.

http://boysunderattack.com/gay.html

That just absolutely infuriates me!! I men even the title is horrible. "homosexuality - the ways out" or something along the lines of implying that being gay is bad or disgusting or it's a choice...

For those of you who can't be bothered reading it, it pretty much goes on about how someone becomes gay. According to them it is because of some lost sense of masculinity that a male needs to be 'straight'

BULLSHIT I say!!!!

Gay men can he just as masculine as straight men. Way to write an article based if bs stereotypes!!!

The article finishes up with this question and answer thing. So some guy asks if he can not be gay anymore and they explain this therapy process you can go through to make you staight, as if it's a choice and being gay can just be undone... Being gay is not something you chose. If it were there would be very few homosexuals in the world..

Well after finishing my rant, I think I'm Gunnar go to bed now...

Gn

arg!!!!!

2009-07-27T23:03:00.000+10:00

Omfg!!!!! All my stupid friends are complaining to me about their stupid relationship problems!!!
I don't particularly care if your boyfriend isn't talking to you anymore and your best friend has been hitting on you saying how he'd be a much better boyfriend.
I don't particularly care that you never got over your girlfriend you had in year 8 and your now obsessing over her.

Go talk to someone else about your fucking relationship problems!!! Until you can help with mine (and I assure you, they are far greater than your's), then piss off and go tell someone who gives a flying fuck!!!

Once you start feeling attracted to someone the same sex as you, thinking about them every single night, and then having them ignore you at school, and then having them tell you about their amazing first kiss with their girlfriend, and knowing you'd never have a chance because he's the biggest jock in the grade and he'd never be gay, but still clinging onto that tiny bit of hope in the back of you mind... Then you can start complaining to me about your relationship problems.

Until you've it real problems, keep your mediocre problems away from me!!!

Harry Potter

2009-07-15T21:18:00.000+10:00

Well I just saw Harry Potter and the half blood prince at the movies...

I must say I didn't really enjoy it. I was dissapointed that they cheaped out on the fight at the end, and it all moved to quickly at the end.

What I did like though was all the humour they managed to weave into it, all the guys started noticing girls and etc, and the music really contributed to that. It was really boppy and inquisitive.

Hmm... Well I've kinda run out of stuff to say for this post.. Hopefully I'll post again soon...

Avenue Q

2009-07-14T22:34:00.000+10:00

So I didn't want this to become a blog consitsing of me entirely complaining about how shit my life is being gay. For sure it sucks, but I still enjoy doing stuff!!!

So I downloaded the soundtrack to Avenue Q last night and was listening to is all day. I must say I absolutely love it!!! I'd love to go see the musical if it comes to my city. It's just so crude and true. It's pretty much a musical about life in general but the way it actually is!!! It's done using exclusively puppets which kinda makes in different/interesting.
Go on YouTube and look up schadenfreude. Funny song!!!

Only a short post for my second. Hopefully I'll continue posting!!!

First Post

2009-07-12T20:31:00.000+10:00

Well guys this is my first blog post ever!! Yay!!

I wanted to start off just by saying a little about who I am, the situation I'm in at the moment and why I started the blog.

So I am a 14 yr old (October 1994) Male and I'm currently studying year 9 at high school. I am happy at the school I'm at and get along well with all my friends there.

The main reason I started this blog was as a kind of diary/outlet type deal for me to talk openly about my problems etc. For those of you who haven't read the about me section, I am gay. I think I've known for maybe 2 or 3 years, but I've only really started accepting it in the last 6 months. I haven't told anyone about my sexuality yet that I know personally. I've spoken to a few people on omegle about it but other than that I've dealt with it entirely alone.

I suppose the main thing that frustrates mr about being gay and knowone knowing is haveing to lie to all my friends act 'normal' around them. And it doesn't help that half or them are either homophobic or use gay jokes, comments all the time. It's actually quite depressing really. Over the last year I have, on numerous occasions, seriously considered how I would go about getting a gun. Luckily guns are quite hard to aquire in australia so I'm still alive thankfully.

I think I'm gunna finish this post here, but hopefuly you'll hear from me soon and this won't become something I never update...